Monday
Changing
"...I know this would have happened anyway. That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that."
The Language of Nature
Watching people fly over my head, I sit on the edge of the world.
I have been granted a spiritual gift, to learn the Language of Nature.
To see what cannot be seen, I must change the way I see.
I will be able to fly over my spiritual web and view the lives of those I'm connected too, to see what can't be seen.
I will guide them on their spiritual journey through this iteration of life.
Next steps...? Learn to read.
It's All About Perspective
You must change the way you see things, to see what can't be seen. A single wide mobile home in a run down park may not be the mansion of your dreams. Compare that to a cardboard box for a roof and suddenly that little mobile home is much more appealing. I look at the blemishes on my face and see ugliness. I look at a little girl covered in 3rd degree acid burns from an 'honor attack', smiling through the bandages, and see nothing but beauty and courage. Why? Perspective.
I must change my thoughts to change my mind, to change my perspective, to change my intentions, to change my actions, to change my life, to change my world. Someone recently told me I have a victim mentality. Though I argued against it, it pricked me, like a verbal slap across my heart. How often have I used excuses, blame and faulted others for my own life, actions and feelings? I must understand that no one can make me feel anything. I control my feelings. I control my thoughts. I control my life. I choose my future. I am living this moment because of the choices I made and path I walked to get here.
We're told to look at the world through the eyes of a child to see the beauty. What if we tried to look at our own world through the eyes of someone with much less than us, to see what we truly have? To find true gratitude, and recognize my blessings, I need to help those who need a hand. I have needed help before and it's time to return the favor.
I must change my thoughts to change my mind, to change my perspective, to change my intentions, to change my actions, to change my life, to change my world. Someone recently told me I have a victim mentality. Though I argued against it, it pricked me, like a verbal slap across my heart. How often have I used excuses, blame and faulted others for my own life, actions and feelings? I must understand that no one can make me feel anything. I control my feelings. I control my thoughts. I control my life. I choose my future. I am living this moment because of the choices I made and path I walked to get here.
We're told to look at the world through the eyes of a child to see the beauty. What if we tried to look at our own world through the eyes of someone with much less than us, to see what we truly have? To find true gratitude, and recognize my blessings, I need to help those who need a hand. I have needed help before and it's time to return the favor.
Monday Meetings
It's Monday. A Monday with 4 meetings on my calendar. 4 one-hour long meetings. That's half of my day spent listening to someone else talk at me. Why is this a good way to spend my workday? Oh yeah, because I'm still getting paid to sit here and listen to someone talk at me. The current meeting is about productivity. I'm enjoying the irony.
What do you call a hooker in a wheelchair?
Roll-Aids!
What do you call a hooker in a wheelchair?
Roll-Aids!
Freewrite
Raze
How is it possible that something so stalwart and seemingly endless can fall? She struggled with the reality of seeing her old school razed to ground, making way for a new mini mall. Those walls in pieces in the back of the dumptruck held the voices and memories of her childhood friends, teachers and youthful life. A small part of her soul jumped with joy at the opportunity and excitement of the new, but it was overridden with the sorrow of loss. Part of her had been torn down with those walls and all that remained was in her mind. How long could that last? A season for all things.
She kept driving past her old stomping grounds, through the town she had lived all her live and now barely recognized. The big box stores brought discounts and 'Going out of Business' signs with every foreign cartload sold. Is there a place in this world not tainted by greed and ease? Where men and women still worked for what they valued and children played outside until dark? She longed for the days of homecooked meals around the table and real chopped wood in the fireplace.
The road ahead with it's dotted yellow lines did not have the speed limit of the interstate, but she was in no hurry. All roads are connected in this land, she'll drive until things make sense again.
How is it possible that something so stalwart and seemingly endless can fall? She struggled with the reality of seeing her old school razed to ground, making way for a new mini mall. Those walls in pieces in the back of the dumptruck held the voices and memories of her childhood friends, teachers and youthful life. A small part of her soul jumped with joy at the opportunity and excitement of the new, but it was overridden with the sorrow of loss. Part of her had been torn down with those walls and all that remained was in her mind. How long could that last? A season for all things.
She kept driving past her old stomping grounds, through the town she had lived all her live and now barely recognized. The big box stores brought discounts and 'Going out of Business' signs with every foreign cartload sold. Is there a place in this world not tainted by greed and ease? Where men and women still worked for what they valued and children played outside until dark? She longed for the days of homecooked meals around the table and real chopped wood in the fireplace.
The road ahead with it's dotted yellow lines did not have the speed limit of the interstate, but she was in no hurry. All roads are connected in this land, she'll drive until things make sense again.
Can you please just...
When time seems to stand in the background and the clouds watch you walk by, why not answer the questions in your mind with the answers you already know? What would you say to your best friend if the question was asked? Why not take that advice and live it? Why question the knowledge given to you from the source? Apathy and indifference have never led to happiness. Steel is strengthened by fire, not burned by it. Can you please just...
Friday
Goals
GOALS FOR FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE
SHORT TERM (WITHIN 12 MONTHS)
1. OWN 3 MULTI-FAMILY RENTAL PROPERTIES (DUPLEX, TRIPLEX OR QUADPLEX)
2. OWN 3 SINGLE FAMILY RENTAL PROPERTIES
3. HAVE $25,000 CASH ON HAND
4. COMPLETE THE PURCHASE/ACQUISITION OF 1 PROPERTY EVERY 2 MONTHS
5. BUILD CREDIT PORTFOLIO WITH LOCAL BANKS AND HARD MONEY LENDERS
6. OPEN AND FULLY FUND SELF DIRECTED ROTH IRA OR 401(K) FOR SILVER/COMMODITIES INVESTING
LONG TERM (WITHIN 5 YEARS)
1. CASHFLOW FROM RENTALS PROPERTIES WILL REPLACE MY INCOME & BENEFITS AND ALLOW ME TO QUIT MY JOB, $7,000 PER MONTH.
2. MAINTAIN $25,000 CASH ON HAND
3. HAVE $25,000 EMERGENCY FUND
4. INCREASE CREDIT PORTFOLIO TO $200,000
5. OWN 10 MULTI-FAMILY RENTAL PROPERTIES
6. OWN 10 SINGLE FAMILY RENTAL PROPERTIES
Tuesday
Who, Where, Why?
If you can tell me who lived here, where this house is and why it's SOOOO famous, I will give you a dollar!Thursday
Just Because
Just because you are smarter, taller, prettier, richer, shorter, younger, older, wiser, dumber, poorer, or whatever doesn't mean you are better than the person sitting next to you in this life. We are all on the same tiny piece of rock floating through the vastness of space. Let's try for a minute to be kind, be gentle and be forgiving of those around us. We are fragile. Is that so much to ask?
Monday
Thursday
Welcome Autumn!
I love the Fall, especially Fall in the South. What a gorgeous time of year! The trees explode with fountains of color. Fallen leaves begin to cover the ground, ready to be crunched with each step. The weather turns cool and brisk, getting ready for apple cider and pumpkin pies! Everything seems to be calming down, preparing to nestle in as Winter watches from the horizon. I am so grateful to be in this beautiful part of the country and enjoy the changing seasons around me.
Tuesday
35 Weeks!!
The booty is getting bigger along with the belly. J. says I'm balanced! I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not?
Wednesday
Thursday
Wednesday
Up to Speed
For my 1 1/2 readers, here are some updates to get you up to speed on my life.
- I'm Married! J. and I got married in May. My grandfather walked me down the aisle!
- I'm Pregnant! It's a GIRL!! Our daughter, Nora Ashton, is due on 11/9/11. If I can push my knees together for two days she'll arrive on 11/11/11. Wouldn't that be an awesome birthday!?
- Our mastiff Ben died :,o( He was 11 years old and we buried him in the backyard. Random facts: He and I shared the same birthday. He as adopted by our cat, Minnie Mouse. Ben's mom was also named Minnie Mouse, but we didn't know that at the time we named the cat. We think the cat was Ben's mom, reincarnated to be with him in his last days.
- The cat, Minnie Mouse, whom we also call Momma Cat, is on her second set of kittens. J. brought her home after being abandonded at one of his rental properties, and she was pregnant immediately after arriving. I meant to get her fixed after her first litter, but everthing crazy happened with J. and before we knew it, she was fat again. As of today, we have 8 cats at our house. That is ridiculous. Want a cute grey and white kitten? I have plenty to share.
- J. is past his bout with MRSA, a terrifying and eye-opening experience I tell you. If you think something is bug bite, but it doesn't itch, please don't ignore it. It could put you in the hospital or worse.
- Strange pregnancy cravings: mustard, fried chicken, sliced tomatoes with rice vinegar, cookies at 3am, Golden Delicious apples, carbs of any kind, fruit of any kind.
- Got rear-ended by a teenage boy playing with his iPod. We are fine, car is the shop as I type.
- That's about it for now.
T-Shirt of the Day
Did you see they are coming out with a new Spider-Man movie already? The Tobey Maguire ones aren't even old yet. Hollywood really is running out of ideas, hence Cowboys and Aliens.
Emily's Salsa Recipe
I've had a number of people ask me for my salsa recipe so here it is. I would love to try some if you make your own batch.
Emily’s Salsa
· Tomatoes from the Farmers Market, on the ripe side (not grocery store as they are not ripe, but very acidic)
· Jalapeno’s: seeded for more mild, leave the seeds for hotter
· White onion
· Tomatillo’s
· Cilantro
· Lime juice
· Salt
· Pinch or two of sugar
Optional if finely chopped by hand, not in a food processor:
· Mango
· Cucumber
· Pineapple
· Peach
· Your favorite extra
1. Rough cut Onion, Tomatillos and Cilantro. Add all to food processor until onion is finely cut. You need to put the onion in with the cilantro as it will not cut by itself, just stick to the edges.
2. Rough chunk tomatoes, add to food processor and tap On button, do not put continually On or you will have tomato sauce.
3. Press down and roll lime on counter before cutting in half to release juices. Squeeze in lime juice to your preference. I usually use ½ a lime.
4. Add salt and sugar to your preference.
5. Test
6. Fix: If too hot, add splash of vinegar. If too mild, add Tabasco or similar hot sauce. I like the Japanese chicken sauce, it’s not called that but it has a chicken on the bottle and green top, so you know what I’m talking about.
7. Drain some water with flat spoon
8. Let sit overnight
9. Test again
10. Enjoy!
I try to drain as much water from the tomatoes as I can, then let everything sit overnight and meld. The next day I use a large, flat spoon to drain out more water if it’s too soupy. Both the onion and tomatoes have a high water content. I’ve also drained the water and used it to marinade steaks and chicken. That’s good too, if you’re not a lettuce head. Good Luck and Good Eats!
· Tomatoes from the Farmers Market, on the ripe side (not grocery store as they are not ripe, but very acidic)
· Jalapeno’s: seeded for more mild, leave the seeds for hotter
· White onion
· Tomatillo’s
· Cilantro
· Lime juice
· Salt
· Pinch or two of sugar
Optional if finely chopped by hand, not in a food processor:
· Mango
· Cucumber
· Pineapple
· Peach
· Your favorite extra
1. Rough cut Onion, Tomatillos and Cilantro. Add all to food processor until onion is finely cut. You need to put the onion in with the cilantro as it will not cut by itself, just stick to the edges.
2. Rough chunk tomatoes, add to food processor and tap On button, do not put continually On or you will have tomato sauce.
3. Press down and roll lime on counter before cutting in half to release juices. Squeeze in lime juice to your preference. I usually use ½ a lime.
4. Add salt and sugar to your preference.
5. Test
6. Fix: If too hot, add splash of vinegar. If too mild, add Tabasco or similar hot sauce. I like the Japanese chicken sauce, it’s not called that but it has a chicken on the bottle and green top, so you know what I’m talking about.
7. Drain some water with flat spoon
8. Let sit overnight
9. Test again
10. Enjoy!
I try to drain as much water from the tomatoes as I can, then let everything sit overnight and meld. The next day I use a large, flat spoon to drain out more water if it’s too soupy. Both the onion and tomatoes have a high water content. I’ve also drained the water and used it to marinade steaks and chicken. That’s good too, if you’re not a lettuce head. Good Luck and Good Eats!
Bless the Broken Road
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Spoon Fed vs. Hunting
I was recently asked by someone to prove to them that God exists. It upset me and caused me to ponder. Not because they didn't believe in God, but because they were lazy. Emotionally and spiritually lazy. My relationship with God has been formed over many years, many searches and prayers, with much effort on my part. It is based on subtle and not so subtle experience after experience. I cannot give someone my proof that God exists, as I cannot hand my experience to another person. I also have experience in handling frustrated stock brokers and tantrum throwing 2-years olds (similar in their own ways but that is a different story). I cannot give that experience away either, so why would someone think that I can offer them my proof that God exists? It is arrogance and laziness that prompts such a demand. 'Show me a sign that I may believe", but I won't go searching for those signs and experiences myself. Just laziness and pride, in my opinion.
I heard on the radio that a man with an opinion will never convince a man with an experience. You can have the opinion that a bright red stove top is not hot, but my experience tells me that it is and you will never convince me otherwise. If I have learned something to be true for myself, your opinion will not change what I already know. Especially if it is not something you have experienced yourself, whether by choice or chance.
Now if two people go through the same experience side-by-side and come out with different viewpoints and memories from that experience, I can understand differing of opinions. In that case, they have both seen, felt or walked the same path and, because of our nature, would learn different lessons and see things differently. That makes sense to me. When someone chooses not have the experience then demands that I convince them that I actually had my experience, it bothers me. They are too lazy to try themselves, and want me to spoon feed what I learned to them. They are too lazy or scared or whatever to hunt for meat themselves. Makes me feel sorry for someone who doesn't search for knowledge and truth, but may very well believe whatever is told to them. If I can put it in their hand and convince them it is true, they will believe whatever I tell them, instead of finding out for themselves.
If there is one things that I've learned in this life, is that my senses can and will deceive me. What things appear to be on the outside, in not always what they truly are on the inside. I have to learn and search and find out the truth for myself. I'm grateful for my hungry spirit that seeks and will not be quenched. It is what drives me closer to my God and closer to myself.
I heard on the radio that a man with an opinion will never convince a man with an experience. You can have the opinion that a bright red stove top is not hot, but my experience tells me that it is and you will never convince me otherwise. If I have learned something to be true for myself, your opinion will not change what I already know. Especially if it is not something you have experienced yourself, whether by choice or chance.
Now if two people go through the same experience side-by-side and come out with different viewpoints and memories from that experience, I can understand differing of opinions. In that case, they have both seen, felt or walked the same path and, because of our nature, would learn different lessons and see things differently. That makes sense to me. When someone chooses not have the experience then demands that I convince them that I actually had my experience, it bothers me. They are too lazy to try themselves, and want me to spoon feed what I learned to them. They are too lazy or scared or whatever to hunt for meat themselves. Makes me feel sorry for someone who doesn't search for knowledge and truth, but may very well believe whatever is told to them. If I can put it in their hand and convince them it is true, they will believe whatever I tell them, instead of finding out for themselves.
If there is one things that I've learned in this life, is that my senses can and will deceive me. What things appear to be on the outside, in not always what they truly are on the inside. I have to learn and search and find out the truth for myself. I'm grateful for my hungry spirit that seeks and will not be quenched. It is what drives me closer to my God and closer to myself.
If all the animals along the equator...
If all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Halloween will fall on the same day.
I'm going to wear flip-flops to my wedding. Yup!
Just because I can, and I have them, I will be posting a ton of old pics of family and friends on Facebook. Why not?
Name calling breaks my heart.
I'm so excited about the new landscaping we are having planted! I hope it will be as beautiful as I imagine.
Wedding at our house has gone from 25 or so people to around 70. Yikers! I don't even know that many people!
Need to put a little more effort into my work ethic. I've been a slacker lately.
The new slate on our screened-in porch is looking fabulous! Next step, grout.
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
Haven't posted any shoes in a while. Must change that!
I'm going to wear flip-flops to my wedding. Yup!
Just because I can, and I have them, I will be posting a ton of old pics of family and friends on Facebook. Why not?
Name calling breaks my heart.
I'm so excited about the new landscaping we are having planted! I hope it will be as beautiful as I imagine.
Wedding at our house has gone from 25 or so people to around 70. Yikers! I don't even know that many people!
Need to put a little more effort into my work ethic. I've been a slacker lately.
The new slate on our screened-in porch is looking fabulous! Next step, grout.
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
Haven't posted any shoes in a while. Must change that!
Friday
Quote for the Day
There are two kinds of secrets,
secrets we hide from others
and secrets we hide from ourselves.
-Frank Warren
Tuesday
Freewrite - Footnote
The array of books on the shelves left her wondering how so many ideas could fit into such a small place. She reached for a tattered copy of an old volume once used by her grandfather to put her to sleep on cold, stormy nights. Flipping though, she saw a handwritten footnote. A comment scrawled on the side of a torn page. "Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He quiets the child and lets the storm rage." Her grandfather's handwriting stared back at her with such poignancy, her eyes pricked with tears too long held back. She didn't realize how much she missed him or what an effect those story filled nights had on her life. Here she sits, years later realizing that some of life's greatest lessons were taught to her as a small child, scared of the relenting rain and crashing thunder just outside her window. How could she ever thank him for taking the time to sooth her frayed nerves and shaking soul? What gift could she give him now? Pass on these words, these stories of adventure and patience to your own child. Teach him how peace can be found even in the most unruly of places. Let him know that he is never truly alone, if he simply seeks the Light. What better gift is there than that?
Wednesday
Patience
My patience is running so thin recently. I just want to take people by the shoulders and viciously shake them screaming "Stop being an idiot and figure it out yourself. You're not a child!!" So I take a deep breath and listen to some waves and try to go to my happy place. Then my phone rings or an email pops up and I'm back in reality.
Perhaps it's the lack of sleep, or the 4 new kittens, or the never-ending doctor's appointments, or planning the wedding, or the 50 hour work weeks, or the 80 mile commute, or the OB appointments, or J always being on the road, or the fatigue, or the stress, or the bills, or the nausea, or the incessant questions for answers they already know if they would take one second and use their own brains instead of picking at mine (and my phone rings with one right now!), or the nightmares, or the self-doubt of can I really do this what the hell am I thinking, or the metallic taste that been in my mouth for weeks, or worrying why do I randomly pass out and what if it happens while I'm driving, or the overwhelming workload, or the thunderstorms, or the two downed trees in my yard, or the huge pile of brush that keeps growing and needs to be burned, or the kitchen floor that's not quite right, or my squeaking serpentine belt, or shaking tire, or expired warranty...or perhaps this is just life and I should be grateful I'm surviving as well as I am. Thanks for the vent, it's freeing.
Tuesday
What is Meditation?
To meditate is to ask questions, to think, to be honest about what we see, to listen to our intuition, and to desire an answer to our deepest questions. To meditate is to be honest about what we see outside and inside and reject what is less true.
-Shawn Nevins
-Shawn Nevins
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Wednesday
Something Positive
After fighting some sort of sinus/respriratory infection this past week, I decided I need some positivity in my life, before heading back to bed again.
Things I'm Grateful For:
Things I'm Grateful For:
- A warm bed to sleep in
- Food to eat
- A man who loves me and takes extra good care of me when I'm not feeling so hot
- A job with paid sick days
- White Christmases
- The snowman in my front yard
- A dog who always seems to pick me
- NyQuil
- Clean air
- Good night kisses
Monday
Really!?
Deck the halls with boughs of holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our ga.."bright" apparel, WHAT!?!
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Troll the ancient Yule tide carol,
But not before we change the words to fit our current overwhelming politically correct facism
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
I hate Tolerance.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our ga.."bright" apparel, WHAT!?!
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Troll the ancient Yule tide carol,
But not before we change the words to fit our current overwhelming politically correct facism
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
I hate Tolerance.
Thursday
Google says...
Every few years, and completely for entertainment purposes, I will search the words 'Emily is' in Google and see what I am.
Here are some excerpts from a story titled "EMILY is a Robot Lifeguard That Floats", with my comments in red. Enjoy!
Here are some excerpts from a story titled "EMILY is a Robot Lifeguard That Floats", with my comments in red. Enjoy!
We’d like to introduce you to EMILY, but as you can see from the image below, she’s not all that attractive (in a non-robot sort of way). Hey!! WTH! Watch it Bud!
EMILY isn’t the name of the next supermodel-turned-lifeguard. Damn! I was so looking forward to my future as the next Pamela Anderson.
...as you might suspect, EMILY’s job is only to save lives. I'm a superhero!
Thanks to the designers, EMILY will be fully self-operational soon enough. When she is, she’ll be no longer tethered to her operators, but instead will utilize sonar technology! Apparently "self-operational" means that I'll be able to talk to whales! Another super-power for the list!
Once EMILY finds someone she needs to save, she can make her way over to them at a top speed of 28 mph. Not quite faster than a speeding bullet, but not too shabby.
The designers intend to have the fully realized version of EMILY ready to go next year, and intend to sell it for somewhere in the ballpark of $3,500. That's it!? That's all I'm worth in this world!? Not even a firm $3500, just in the ballpark. Recession, I tell you!
We have no idea what she may look like, but obviously the developers (and EMILY) do, so that’s good. Glad to hear that someone knows what I look like. I'd hate to be another faceless robot lifeguard. They all look the same to me!
Truths for Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...(again).
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...(again).
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
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