Can you please just...

When time seems to stand in the background and the clouds watch you walk by, why not answer the questions in your mind with the answers you already know?  What would you say to your best friend if the question was asked?  Why not take that advice and live it?  Why question the knowledge given to you from the source?  Apathy and indifference have never led to happiness.  Steel is strengthened by fire, not burned by it.  Can you please just...

What is Meditation?

To meditate is to ask questions, to think, to be honest about what we see, to listen to our intuition, and to desire an answer to our deepest questions. To meditate is to be honest about what we see outside and inside and reject what is less true.
-Shawn Nevins

Really!?

Deck the halls with boughs of holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our ga.."bright" apparel, WHAT!?!
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Troll the ancient Yule tide carol,
But not before we change the words to fit our current overwhelming politically correct facism
Fa la la la la, la la la la.


I hate Tolerance.

Thinks I'm Thoughting About

I look around me at the nutshell lives of those in my immediate area and see chaos, order, stress, diets, fires, vacations, children, planets and studying. I wonder what others see when they put my life in a nutshell?

I've been researching and reading about meditation techniques and have taken miniature baby steps in reducing the stress in my life and in my mind. (check this out)

I add the 'in my mind' because the creation of stress is purely psychological. Yes it does manifest itself in physical form, like my tight shoulders and headaches, but it is not a tangible thing you can hold in your hand. We create stress in our minds and allow it to cause us physical pain. I wonder why we do that? Is it some inherent masochistic desire or a genetic demand that allows us to understand the weight an importance of daily life occurrences? Either way, my shoulders are still sore and I'm tired of eating Tylenol for breakfast!

As I work toward reducing stress in my life and mind, I've come to realize that meditation may be a possible solution. From Biblical recommendations; "Meditate upon my Word" to historic and cultural significance of Gandhi and the Maharishi, to classrooms in Detroit with 20 minute meditation breaks, I feel this road not taken may be the one I would like to walk.

The main issue I have been facing in my recent attempts is my severe inability to quiet my mind. One of the goals of meditation is to empty your mind of all cluttered thoughts and allow higher connections to be made. I struggle with the emptying and quieting. It's like telling me to 'just go to sleep'. How? How do you turn your brain off? How do you stop thinking? That is what I am striving to learn and practice. I do not think this will be a quick or easy thing to learn. But I do look forward to the experience.

Here's to quiet minds and greater levels of peace and understanding :o)

A Backyard Wedding?

We close on our house April 19th, and a backyard, home-grown, country wedding sounds just right. 50 or so of our closest friends and family enjoying our new home and celebrating our new life together. I've been reading blogs on thrifty weddings, garden weddings, backyard BBQ wedding, antique & vintage weddings and they all have tons of real life appeal. I'm excited about planning this To-Do and know that even if everything falls apart and we end up in the garage cuz it rained, at least I'll be with the people I love, and married to the man I'm head-over-heels for. Isn't that all that matters?

Don't Ask Me Out For Lunch. I'm Paying Off My Credit Cards

I have finally sat down and created an interactive budget for myself. It's something I have dabbled with for years, but never actually completed. Now that I'm more Excel savvy, I created a three tab spreadsheet with my monthly budget, which paycheck pays which bills and my debt snowball schedule. It's already helping me tremendously, just by thinking "What category is this going to go in?" before I spend money. The fact that my happy little spreadsheet will hold me accountable for my debit card and ATM relationships has kept me in line this month. I've also been able to pay over $1000 towards my debt snowball!

If "Debt Snowball" is a term you are unfamiliar with, it works like this:

• Write down each and every debt you owe, outside of home expenses and utilities. Mine include 2 credit cards, a time-share and my car.
• Break down highest to lowest balance, interest rates, monthly payments.
• For me, my highest interest rate was also my lowest balance so I chose to pay that off first (we'll call it Debt 1).
• I pay the minimum payment on my remaining three debts and all discretionary cash on Debt 1 (this is over and above the minimum payment).
• Once Debt 1 is paid off, I roll my entire Debt 1 payment plus the minimum payment for Debt 2 to pay off Debt 2. And so on and so on until all debts are paid off.
• Once I am debt free, I will begin building my emergency fund. 3-6 months of expenses. Without my debt payments, my monthly expenses are pretty low.
• I will also max out my 401K and fully fund my Roth IRA.

My goal for 2010 is to pay off my two credit cards, time-share and most of my car. The car won't be fully paid off until halfway thru 2011, but I'll be in a much better financial situation before then.

So don't ask me out to lunch. I'm paying off my credit cards.

When...

When the world seems to be closing in and my cube walls suffocate all sense of freedom and energy, I close my eyes and picture a smooth green hillside to my left, a small creek running along the line of trees on my right. Sounds of cool running water, tickling over stones as it smooths the edges off my mind. Velvet breezes rustle leaves and creak high reaching branches above. Soft sunshine bathes my skin and warms my soul.

I do not know if this place is an actual recollection of some physical location, or a realm my imagination created to allow my escape from reality. Either way, I love coming here.

A Place to Call Home

In the search for a house, what I'm really looking for is a place to call home. Having moved more times that I can count, I am not reveling in the thought of boxing up my belongings again. Yet, I am ashiver with anticipation at the possibilities that lay in front of me. A yard to tend, pictures to hang, walls to paint and real garage to park my car in. Frivolities of life that I covet.

Apartment dwelling does have it's positives. Need a new garbage disposal? Call the office and they install a new one that day, easy-peasy! Drunk neighbors laughing like banshee's under my window at 3 am on a Tuesday, not a perk. One mile commute to work, definitely on the plus side of my list. I will miss the ease of location and maintenance, but will love owning my own piece of the American Dream.

Soulmate

What is a soulmate? It is someone you can't live without? Someone you can completely be yourself with, with no fears or repercussions. That one person in all the world who was made just for you. When you can look back on your life and see how every step, every experience, every person has led you to this one. One out of billions, who knows you before you've actually met. The one who speaks your thoughts before you put them into words. Who sees the world through your eyes and understands you when you are confused in yourself. That certain individual who makes you feel completely at ease even with your most intimate thoughts, dreams and desires. When there is never a moment of shame or fear. That safety net and protection from the ills of the world. Those arms that offer comfort like you have never experienced before. The scent that drives your senses wild. The touch that speaks to your soul. The laughter that lightens the darkest night. The bond of friendship that grows stronger with each passing day. Looking forward to an entire life of love and companionship, joy and growth. What an amazing blessing and gift, to find my soulmate.

A Whole New World

I've recently been on a search for new things to do, places to go, things to learn, food to eat and experiences to have. The last few weeks I have:

• Found a new hiking trail near my place
• Learned to bake chicken well
• Been to Bobcats basketball games
• Been to a Checkers hockey game
• Expanding my Art skills through painting
• Got Internet at home
• Caught up on LOST
• Started a basic workout regimen
• Met my new neighbors
• Made new friends
• Started Dumb Movie night

I have a list titled 101 Things To Do in Charlotte. I've already marked off about 10-12 things that I have done and have decided that I'll choose one at a time to experience.

I'm also contemplating getting a season pass to Carowinds (mini Magic Mountain for you CA folks). It's only about 15 minutes away and I heart roller coasters. Hopefully I'll be able to go to a real Nascar race and a Panthers game this year too. I have tons on my To-Do Wish List, I'm excited for the journey. What's on your To-Do Wish List?

...As Powerful as the Sun

Few things exist in life as powerful as the sun. Though I feel its strength only after unthinkable distances and layers of filter, it stops my thoughts and takes my breath away.

Everyday a new masterpiece is painted across the sky for all to see.

Each evening brings its own majesty.

From endless sea to small pond, the sun shares its light with all.

The first sweet rays after a storm remind me

that peace is on the horizon, waiting.

Daybreak and all its opportunies.

Play Ball!

Saturday was double-header night at the Charlotte Knights stadium. Our new home team, the Knights, played the Toledo Mud Hens. Yes, the same Toledo Mud Hens that Klinger from M.A.S.H. always rooted for! The Knights won the first game and the Dirt Chickens won the second. Proceeds from tickets sales and a silent auction during the game went to Charlotte Radiology to fund breast cancer research, to the tune of over $12,000!

D played his well-earned role as token male

to the group of lovely ladies below.

Andrea, me, Darci and Kiki.

Yes, I am sporting my Padres jersey.

I have to represent, even in the South!

We each got free pink baseballs and ate way too many sweets!

Cotton Candy is a must at all baseball games!

The Knights wore pink jerseys in support of breast cancer research. The jerseys were auctioned during the game to raise additional funds.

Even the Knights mascot, Homer the Dragon, showed his support.

The national anthem was sung by the boys and girls choir from a local elementary school and the crowd sang along. The after game fireworks were awesome and D & I played frisbee in parking lot as we waited for the sea of brakelights to meander on down the road. It was a great night of friends, baseball, sugar-highs, home town hero's, home runs, cheering, hot dogs, booing and people-watching. We're already looking into season tickets. See you at the game!

We Could All Use More GOOD NEWS!

I found this great news website called GOOD NEWS NETWORK. I usually check Fox News every morning just to see what the headlines are, but they are so depressing it just brings me down. I went to Google and typed in Good News and this website is what I found.

THANK GOD!!

They only report Good News and I love to scan through the headline and realize that good things do happen in this world everyday, all around us. It has brightened my mornings and helped to have a better outlook on the day, every day. I hope you will check out the link and see what this awesome site is all about.

May I point out 1 story that rang close to my heart about a microcredit organization named Kiva. They allow regular people like you and me to participate in micro-loans to people who live in poverty around the world to help them start their own business and pull their families out of poverty. I have felt very drawn toward microcredit since I learned of it's existence through a program on the Church's relationship with the Grameen Foundation in India. Though I am unable to travel to India to work with a microcredit program in the field, I can still be a part of something much bigger than my little world.

Have a great day!

free

My Favorite Hymn

Click HERE to hear my favorite hymn in all it's glory

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Come, Thou fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

While the hope of endless glory

Fills my heart with joy and love,

Teach me ever to adore Thee;

May I still Thy goodness prove.

Here I raise my Ebenezer,

Hither by Thy help I’ve come;

And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,

Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God;

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood.

Oh, to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be;

Let that grace now like a fetter

Bind my wandering heart to Thee:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;

Prone to leave the God I love.

Here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

Oh, that day when freed from sinning,

I shall see Thy lovely face;

Clothed then in the blood washed linen

How I’ll sing Thy wondrous grace!

Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,

Take my ransomed soul away;

Send Thine angels soon to carry

Me to realms of endless day.

USS NEW YORK!!

USS New York

It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the

World Trade Center

It is the fifth in a new class of warship -

designed for missions that include

special operations against terrorists.

It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-

ready Marines to be delivered ashore by

helicopters and assault craft.

Steel from the World Trade Center

was melted down in a foundry in

Amite , LA to cast the ship's bow section.

When it was poured into the molds on Sept 9, 2003,

"Those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence,"

recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there.

"It was a spiritual moment for everybody there."

Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager,

said that when the trade center steel first arrived,

he touched it with his hand and the

"hair on my neck stood up."

"It had a big meaning to it for all of us," he said.

"They knocked us down. They can't keep us down. We're going to be back."

The ship's motto? "Never Forget"

Please keep this going so everyone can see what we are made of in this country!

In Awe

I saw lightening bugs for the first time in my life tonite.
God is so amazing that He would make a little bug light up the night just for me.

Captain America is Dead!?!

The all-American superhero; the comic symbol of American pride, power and strength; the untarnished, untouchable protector of the American way has been killed by a sniper. What does this say about America?

Did American ideals die right along with our hero? Have we fought so hard that we've killed ourselves? The eternal truths this country was built on have been shredded in the courtroom, the media, capitol buildings and in the hearts of many Americans. What is left of our national values? How does the death of Captain America symbolize the death of the American way and what we stand for?

Captain America had fought the Nazi's and Japanese during World War II, he battled Communists during the Cold War and recently fought against the loss of our civil rights in the Superhero Registration Act (a thinly veiled nod to the US Patriot Act). Captain America has stood for Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. He has upheld our rights to Liberty and Justice for All. He has fought for peace, safety and protection from our enemies. Captain America has stood by America to fend off those who would destroy her. Here at the end, he was killed in the most cowardly way, by a sniper.

The means of his death is a symbol in it's own right. A sniper does not give the victim the opportunity to fight. A sniper hides behind cover and waits for a vulnerable moment. A sniper does not show his face and take responsibility for his actions. A sniper can blend in to walk among us as our friend, waiting for the opportune moment to destroy life. Those who fight against America may also walk among us.

It is not merely outside forces that seek to destroy America, but those who live comfortably safe within her boarders. Physical evidence of this internal destruction lie in 168 graves in Oklahoma City. Why do those who benefit from America's freedoms work so hard to undermine the same freedoms they enjoy? How does one come to hate so intensely as to kill another human being?

It is easier to kill a person than an ideal. Assassins believed that the murder of Abraham Lincoln would end the abolition of slavery. White supremacists believed the murder of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would end the civil rights movement. Ignorant mobs believed the death of Joseph Smith Jr. would cause the Mormon Church to disintegrate. All of these martyrdom's only solidified the movements behind these great leaders and strengthened the resolve of those within. Will the murder of Captain America strengthen those masses he represents? Or is his death another step down the road to America becoming Babylon?

Unanswerable questions and thoughts left unfinished. Another symbol of American strength and resolve destroyed by cowardice and apathy. Long have comic books served as a visual measurement of our values and desires. The ancient battle of good versus evil will continue, but who will stand up for America now?

Freedom is Not Free

A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,

I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.

My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,

My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,

Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,

Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,

Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.

In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,

So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,

But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.

Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,

Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,

And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,

A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,

Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.

Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,

Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,

"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!

Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,

You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,

Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light

Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,

That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,

I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

"My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"

Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers.

My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',

And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,

But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile."

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,

The red, white, and blue... an American flag.

I can live through the cold and the being alone,

Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,

I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.

I can carry the weight of killing another,

Or lay down my life with my sister and brother...

Who stand at the front against any and all,

To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,

Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,

"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?"

"It seems all too little for all that you've done,

For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,

"Just tell us you love us, and never forget."

"To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,

To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

For when we come home, either standing or dead,

To know you remember we fought and we bled."

"Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,

That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."