Google says...

Every few years, and completely for entertainment purposes, I will search the words 'Emily is' in Google and see what I am.

Here are some excerpts from a story titled "EMILY is a Robot Lifeguard That Floats", with my comments in red. Enjoy!

We’d like to introduce you to EMILY, but as you can see from the image below, she’s not all that attractive (in a non-robot sort of way). Hey!! WTH! Watch it Bud!

EMILY isn’t the name of the next supermodel-turned-lifeguard. Damn! I was so looking forward to my future as the next Pamela Anderson. you might suspect, EMILY’s job is only to save lives. I'm a superhero!

Thanks to the designers, EMILY will be fully self-operational soon enough. When she is, she’ll be no longer tethered to her operators, but instead will utilize sonar technology! Apparently "self-operational" means that I'll be able to talk to whales! Another super-power for the list!

Once EMILY finds someone she needs to save, she can make her way over to them at a top speed of 28 mph. Not quite faster than a speeding bullet, but not too shabby.

The designers intend to have the fully realized version of EMILY ready to go next year, and intend to sell it for somewhere in the ballpark of $3,500. That's it!? That's all I'm worth in this world!? Not even a firm $3500, just in the ballpark. Recession, I tell you!

We have no idea what she may look like, but obviously the developers (and EMILY) do, so that’s good. Glad to hear that someone knows what I look like. I'd hate to be another faceless robot lifeguard. They all look the same to me!

Truths for Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...(again).

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.