Jesus is the Reason for the Season!

As we bustle about driving here and driving there, buying this and buying that, let us remember the real reason for this joyous season. Celebration of the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. Whenever his actual birthday may be, this is when we celebrate God's greatest gift to Man. His chosen Son, the Saviour of the world.

No matter who you are or what you've done, Jesus loves you and will stand with you through all your life. You do not need to be alone. He is always there with open arms, full of love and forgiveness. What joy it is to know that I have been forgiven and start each day as a new person.

I am so thankful to my Saviour for choosing to come to this Earth to live and die for me. If I were the only person on the Earth, He still would have come for me. As we visit with family and tear into our presents, remember that God gave us our most precious gift, his precious Son.
Merry Christmas to all!


We're Engaged!


Questions I Will Probably Never Know the Answer To

..At Least Not in This Life.

  1. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
  2. Why are there no 'B' batteries? Were they bad and sent away to the battery refugee camp, never to be heard from again?
  3. Why are yawns contagious? Sometimes just thinking about yawning makes me right now.
  4. I live in a neat and clean 1 bedroom apartment and do my own laundry. Where the @&*! do my missing socks go?!?
  5. Why does 'sour' cream have an expiration date? It's already gone bad!
  6. Why do we hiccup? Cuz they suck.
  7. Why are cute women's shoes always so painful to wear? I think they are designed by men as a way to keep women in bondage.
  8. Has anyone ever got the skinny white ceramic dog that's always in the Wheel of Fortune prize showcase? It's been 15 years! Obviously no one wants the damn thing, give it to Goodwill!
  9. How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? I'll never know because as soon as I taste the Toostie Roll center, I throw it away.
  10. How is baseball 'America's pastime' when more people watch NASCAR?
  11. Where do all my pens go? They must be hanging out with my missing socks and lost B batteries.

Help Us Remember

Heavenly Father,
Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love. Matt 5:44


It's sunny outside!

As the days get shorter and the nights longer, my mind wanders through fuzzy mazes of clues and pastures. Rolling along the path, absent from the world's prerequisite of supposed truths. I spell relief with a good book, warm slippers and kiss on the forehead from someone who spoils me with sweetness. Through imagined climate change, destructive and rebuilding wars, famine and pandemics, I linger in the doorway leading to true happiness and peace. Baby steps along the road of life and learning. Will I walk this way again?


Happy Halloween

It's a White Trash day!



When the world seems to be closing in and my cube walls suffocate all sense of freedom and energy, I close my eyes and picture a smooth green hillside to my left, a small creek running along the line of trees on my right. Sounds of cool running water, tickling over stones as it smooths the edges off my mind. Velvet breezes rustle leaves and creak high reaching branches above. Soft sunshine bathes my skin and warms my soul.

I do not know if this place is an actual recollection of some physical location, or a realm my imagination created to allow my escape from reality. Either way, I love coming here.

Such a Kitty


A Place to Call Home

In the search for a house, what I'm really looking for is a place to call home. Having moved more times that I can count, I am not reveling in the thought of boxing up my belongings again. Yet, I am ashiver with anticipation at the possibilities that lay in front of me. A yard to tend, pictures to hang, walls to paint and real garage to park my car in. Frivolities of life that I covet.

Apartment dwelling does have it's positives. Need a new garbage disposal? Call the office and they install a new one that day, easy-peasy! Drunk neighbors laughing like banshee's under my window at 3 am on a Tuesday, not a perk. One mile commute to work, definitely on the plus side of my list. I will miss the ease of location and maintenance, but will love owning my own piece of the American Dream.


Quote for the Day

The sound of silence
Can be melodic
Or deafening



Those Moments

There are those moments in life when you think, where do I go from here? What are my next steps? So many plans and hopes, wants and dreams run together to create a mishmash map of life. Though money does not drive me, it does grant a certain level of freedom. Each step is interconnected with the next, and last. Without at least some semblence of a plan we meander through this world, listing with the wind and social demands. I have such great ideas and wonderful desires for the future, but tomorrow stands in front of me. Stalwart and sure. It will appear whether I want it or not. What steps do I need to take to accomplish my wishes? Where do I go from here?


2-Line Rhymes


1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2.I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other-
- that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.


The Size of a Soul

How to measure the size of one's soul? It is measured by inches and feet, or ounces and pounds? Perhaps one can be measured by its acts, kind or cruel. Who would believe you if you were to tell them the weight of your soul? If it were at all possible to quantify our spirits, would that put a value on them?

If valued, then able to be bartered? If bartered, then marketed? If marketed, then increased demand for greater souls? With increased demand comes increased supply. Imagine of glut of souls available on the secondary market. What happens when the supply of a product far outpaces its demand? The value of that product shrinks, easy to get anywhere. No one wants it anymore. Unwanted souls, discarded and ignored.

No. Our souls are not weighted, nor are they measured. Each is priceless beyond recognition. We should not lose them so easily when another has sacrificed all for our right to keep them.


To that he exclaimed, "You are nothing to me. Neither reality nor fiction. Your place is not with me. Move on and be gone."

What to do? Where to go now? With all the space this world has inside it, surely there is a parcel for me and my small soul.


Don't Ask

3 Letter Animals:
(if you do not support abortion, then you must believe that an egg is an animal)
Can you think of any more?


Quotes for the Day

Women and cats will do as they please.
Men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.


Quote for the Day

When I started to look at what other people were doing,
that's when I got rattled.

When I focused on myself,
looking straight ahead,
I was able to succeed.

When you're too concerned about other people,
you get off balance.”
-Lisa Moris


Quote for the Day

Good does happen,

More than we are led to believe.


Phantom of the Opera

Saturday night J. and I had an amazing evening. Dinner Uptown at the romantic Monticello restaurant, then he took me to see Phantom of the Opera. I have been dying to see this show for many years. I had even once planned a trip to NYC to see it on Broadway. Now, I'm glad I didn't go. It was such a special night to spend with J. We had great conversation and enjoyed all the people watching. The show was astounding! What a wonderful experience it was to get all dressed up, spend the evening Uptown and see the longest running Broadway play.

J. especially liked the mechanics of the set and stage. How quickly they were able to change from one scene to another, smooth and unnoticable. The music was hypnotic and drew you in. There were laughs and thrills, excitement and sorrow. The story of the phantom still haunts me. How many of us wear a mask to hide our true selves? With J. I am finally removing my mask and revealing who I really am.



What is a soulmate? It is someone you can't live without? Someone you can completely be yourself with, with no fears or repercussions. That one person in all the world who was made just for you. When you can look back on your life and see how every step, every experience, every person has led you to this one. One out of billions, who knows you before you've actually met. The one who speaks your thoughts before you put them into words. Who sees the world through your eyes and understands you when you are confused in yourself. That certain individual who makes you feel completely at ease even with your most intimate thoughts, dreams and desires. When there is never a moment of shame or fear. That safety net and protection from the ills of the world. Those arms that offer comfort like you have never experienced before. The scent that drives your senses wild. The touch that speaks to your soul. The laughter that lightens the darkest night. The bond of friendship that grows stronger with each passing day. Looking forward to an entire life of love and companionship, joy and growth. What an amazing blessing and gift, to find my soulmate.


Song for the Day

-Depeche Mode
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
He'll get me support
He will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
He'll hear me out
And wont easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact he'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
He will understand me
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I dont want to be tied
To anyones strings
I've carefully trying to steer clear
Of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly



I count.
Steps. Pencils. Rings. Drops. Ticking. Skittles.
Wonder why?

Once Upon a Time...

...A little girl actually had time to update her blog. But now that all her time is spent enjoying life she has to make sporadic updates like this:

  • Serious countdown to my vacation, 2 more days!!
  • Need to get my carpet cleaned
  • Learning to like more fried food. Welcome to the South. Fried pickles and green tomatoes seem to be in my future.
  • I have bought 5 new pairs of jeans in the past week, all very long. I spent $35 total. Sweet.
  • Think I might become a biker chick.
  • Lincolnton, NC is a pretty cute little town. I could live there, on a few acres near the river...
  • J. is everything I've ever wanted and didn't know I could ask for.
  • I love being in love.
  • I have a single carry-on bag packed for 2 vacations totalling 17 days. And my cowboy boots are inside! Go me!
  • Disneyland on my birthday!
  • I need a tan.
  • The humidity cometh.
  • Need to spend more time reading my Scriptures.
  • Sushi tomorrow with Miss S.
  • Got my butt kicked at pool, 3 times in a row. I should take up bowling. Or archery.
  • Don't forget my toothpaste!
  • Double-check for Denver forecast.
  • Hey Mom, never did get that email. Love you!
  • Shell, can I sleep on your couch at least one night?
  • I'll tell Mickey you all say Hi!

Darth Gardner

This topiary is now the ultimate power in the universe!


Hint Hint

Spending time

is a greater gift

than spending money.


It's Been a Minute...

...or 7 since I've updated here. There are times when I wonder if I have anything to say. Other times I type nothing because I know someone will actually read it.

I went on my first Harley ride this weekend. We took two-lane roads to Lake Lure and Chimney Rock. Lake Lure is where Dirty Dancing was filmed. It was a beautiful day Saturday and I loved to feel the wind on my skin and the sun beat down on me. I could smell the fresh cut grass and especially the cow pastures we rode past. The last part did make me homesick for the ranch, as did stratling the iron horse for 200 miles.

I better get used to that again, since I'll be at the ranch for 2 weeks this summer. It's really less than a month away! Oh my gosh, I just got very excited!! Disneyland on my birthday, then horses and cows for two straight weeks. A little bit of heaven.

That's enough for now.


A Whole New World

I've recently been on a search for new things to do, places to go, things to learn, food to eat and experiences to have. The last few weeks I have:
  • Found a new hiking trail near my place
  • Learned to bake chicken well
  • Been to Bobcats basketball games
  • Been to a Checkers hockey game
  • Expanding my Art skills through painting
  • Got Internet at home
  • Caught up on LOST
  • Started a basic workout regimen
  • Met my new neighbors
  • Made new friends
  • Started Dumb Movie night

I have a list titled 101 Things To Do in Charlotte. I've already marked off about 10-12 things that I have done and have decided that I'll choose one at a time to experience.

I'm also contemplating getting a season pass to Carowinds (mini Magic Mountain for you CA folks). It's only about 15 minutes away and I heart roller coasters. Hopefully I'll be able to go to a real Nascar race and a Panthers game this year too. I have tons on my To-Do Wish List, I'm excited for the journey. What's on your To-Do Wish List?


Cute Flats!

I have been more attracted to flats recently for multiple reasons.
Here are a few that caught my eye.

These ones look like little girls shoes, I love them!
I think they would look so cute with a denim skirt.

Material Girl in a Material World?

There are times when I am honestly astounded at the concerns and desires of others. I do not consider myself a materialistic person. Now, don't get me wrong, I do enjoy nice things and understand their worth. What irks me is when a person is continually driven by the bigger, better, best paradigm. I have been told by others that carrying a large amount of debt is not a concern as long as they have everything they want.

Perhaps I fall more into the 'saver' category, which may be why I have trouble accepting this type of mindset (though I do spend lavishly on my shoes). It also stems from my upbringing. I was taught to be very thrifty and not wasteful. Use it until it is unusable, then find another use for it. If an item is broken, marred or missing some cosmetic aspect it is certainly not unusable and does not need to be replaced with the newer, more expensive model. Just use the dang thing as it is and be happy you have one at all.

When I was younger and less knowledgeable of the effects of outlandish credit items, I did fall into the instant gratification trap. Years later, I am working hard to pay off those debts and have very little to show for that time of carefree spending.

That's another thing. I am doing my best not to be a pack rat. I strive to pare down my clutter as much as possible and donate all that I no longer have a use for. Also a nice help now that I have so few tax write-offs. Example: I have a fixed number of coat hangers. I will not buy new coat hangers. In order for me to buy a new item of clothing, I must donate or give away an existing item. Take something down in order to put something else back up. I seem to always have a bag of clothes and general household items being gathered for donation to the local Goodwill Store. This works for me.

I hope to be able to teach my future children these same ideals. I understand that some may not find my ideas to be ideal at all, yet I do. I believe that if something is earned it is more valuable. I believe that if you truly want something, you will work hard to attain it. I believe things that are easily gained are just as easily dismissed. I believe that rocks can sometimes be the best souvenir.


What Matters Most

-By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine and your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray you own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, everyday and if you can source your own life from it's presence.

I want to know if y0u can live with failure, your and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me whom you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

I doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.


Random Picture of the Day

Darth, old boy, what are you doing?


Quote for the Day

Who looks not with compassion
sees not what the eyes of compassion see.
-Tibetan saying

Nice View!

So, I'm in a new apartment. My first floor apartment flooded and I was moved to a nice new 3rd floor apartment. It has vaulted ceilings and a view of the pool. hauling my stuff up 3 flights of stairs is not so fun, but it's good for my thighs so I shouldn't complain too much. I do enjoy the view of the pool and watching the kids play. The kitties also like the balcony and roll in the sunshine.


Sometimes I eat cereal for dinner.

Sometimes I use baby oil instead of lotion.

Sometimes I stay at work until 10 o'clock because it's better than going home.

Sometimes I wonder if other people are thinking about me too.

Sometimes I hope for the best, and wish I could prepare for the worst. I'm not so good at that last part.

Sometimes I crave Ramen noodles.

Sometimes I miss people so bad it hurts.

Sometimes I wish my cat would just find a place to sit and stay there.

Sometimes I wonder what I will do with all the toys in my cube.

Sometimes I wish I was a full time student on a full-ride scholarship, and could just learn for a living.

Sometimes I think I deserve better. Sometimes not.


Quote for the Day

Your life is an occassion.
Rise to it.
-Mr. Magorium's
Wonder Emporium

PostSecret, I Love You

Oh Liberals, who will you blame now?
Perhaps you'll finally have to be responsible for your own actions.
Not likely, but I can dream.


As Days Go By

It's been a little while since I've updated my faithful reader as to my happenings. So here's the rundown:

Started a new Art class. Basic Acrylics, going shopping for my supplies tonite.

Andi had a great birthday party. It was nice to see her so happy and surrounded by friends.

Three months and still going well.

Trying to decide if I should send Valentines flowers...

I love having a clean house!

The purging continues. Where did I get so much stuff?

Learning to ask for what I want, it's slow and steady.

Plans this month: Hinder at Amos' South End!!

Work is going really well. Busy busy busy.

Have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I go to sleep way too late!

Went to the circus! It's still fun, even for grown-up kids!

Ladies 8-Ball team is in 1st Place! If we continue to win, we're going to Vegas Baby!

If I get laid off, I'm going in the Air Force.

Goals for 2009: Pay off two credit cards

Need to wash the salt and dirt off my car.

No girls, I don't wear lipstick and I'm not concerned about that at all.
Need to get my haircut.


The Cry of the Meadowlark or Nightingale

Heavenletter # 2812 Published on: August 6, 2008

Whatever another does, no matter how it may seem to impact you, it is their privilege to do as they see to do. You may feel that someone has let you down. Beloveds, when you feel that way, you have let yourself down. Did you take on what someone else chooses to do as though it were your own responsibility? Did you make a portion of your life dependent upon what someone else chooses when all of your life is dependent upon you? Better to not make or allow anyone else to be the sayer of how you react in your life or any portion of it.

People like to accommodate you, yet they are not going to make their choices dependent upon what you want and feel is right, even when they may have said they would follow through. Brides and grooms have been left at the altar. You have been left waiting on the street corner by someone who did not show up, even when you were the one ready to do a favor. People are going to follow their own stars and also even their own whims.

Here is an opportunity for you to gain this famous equanimity you have so wanted, beloveds — to be at that place where you are not so bolstered or so desolate by what others choose to do or not to do at any given moment. Wholeheartedly accept the upliftment others may give you but never be deflated by what they do not give or change their minds about. Otherwise, you are a bouncing ball in someone else's hand. Beloveds, it is for you to make your own way in the world independent of what others choose to do. It is their right. Be your own star that shines and leads you to your destination.

When you ride a train, and the train should happen to break down, that is not the end of your travels. It is not a tragedy. So when a friend does not show up at an appointed time, it may be an inconvenience for you, yet it is not a tragedy. It is not really even an offense, even though you are sure it is.

Be glad to be with someone, and do not mind so when the person is no longer there. He heard his own distant cry of the meadowlark or nightingale, and he went his own way irrespective of you. He may respect you very much and yet not feel beholden to you or what he may have previously said or promised. He may have meant it. Once it was true for him, but now it is not. He cannot go back to the past, nor are you to make him. All contracts are dissolved. There are those who may resolve former contracts with what you call honor and some who will resolve without. Some do not even remember what the agreement was. In any case, the only agreement that matters is the one on your plate right now.

Do you see what I am asking you to do? I am asking you to not be dismayed by others' choices. Right or wrong, they are right to make their own choices however you may feel about them. You are not to lead your life according to others' views and desires, nor are they to live their lives according to your views and desires. Even when you are right by everything you know, it is still their right to choose. Do you see how, when you free others from bounds, you free yourself? Beloveds, no matter how seemingly innocent, bounds are a form of tyranny. You are not meant to be a tyrant. You are meant to be a pharaoh who lets his people go.


Quote for the Day

One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
(1749 - 1832)


Visual Poetry

read into it what you will

16 Random Things

I was tagged to do a list of 16 random things about me. I don't blog on my Facebook, so here it is.
  1. I put too much sugar in my cranberry apple tea this morning. More like warm Kool-Aid now.
  2. I want to see how far my new car will go with the gas light on. Old car, 58 miles was as far as I pushed it.
  3. If I get laid-off from this job, I will leave the financial industry completely. And never look back!
  4. 41 assorted objects displayed around my cuffice could easily be construed as "toys".
  5. This weekend I put up 7 new pictures/wall hangings. My home feels much more homey now.
  6. I started the new year with someone who is good for me.
  7. Public Relations sounds intriguing to me.
  8. Goal for 2009, pay off 2 credit cards!!
  9. I am trying to be more thoughtful of others. It's a work in progress.
  10. When I go out to sushi with friends, I am astonished that I'm the most daring one.
  11. I love Pesto!
  12. I worry I'll never have kids. If I cannot stay home with them, I will not have them.
  13. I want to go on a bus and walking tour of Washington D.C. so I don't have to worry about being arrested.
  14. Need to decide if I'm going to go to school on not. Then figure out how.
  15. Even though both my teams lost in embarrassing displays of Pop-Warner football skills, I'm still a fan!
  16. I have a hard time sitting down at home, I'm always on the move.

Tag, You're It! Sarah, Britt, Wanda Jo, Shell, Mom, Andi, Villa, Anyone else who's bored.



The Sheet Set Cult Mystery

In my quest for the perfect fitted sheet and pillowcases, I encountered a startling mystery. You cannot purchase a lone fitted sheet! Why, you ask? Because the fitted sheet makers of the world have decided in their world domineering committee's, that a person has no reason to buy a lone fitted sheet. Hence, we a forced to purchase an entire sheet set including: 1 fitted sheet, 1 flat sheet, 2 pillowcases.

To many this is not a problem at all, as they use the entire set. I am not one of these sheep, following the Sheet Set Cult blindly. I do not use the flat sheet. It has no purpose in my life. I have very nice, ultrasoft sable-like blankets against my skin when I cuddle into bed. Not a cold flat sheet. Why would I want cold sheet on both sides of me? I already have cold fitted sheet on the mattress side, I should not be forced to have cold flat sheet on the other side as well. This is a free country! If I choose to sleep with ultrasoft blanket, or sheepskin or burlap against my skin, that is my choice dagnabbit!!

Yet the Sheet Set Cult demands that I purchase their flat sheet. Why would I buy something I have no use for? I am a very thrifty person and choose not to spend my money on things that are useless to me. Why, oh, why can I not buy a lone fitted sheet?

Where did this Sheet Set conspiracy come from? Cotton farmers to drive up demand? Textile companies to increase production? Retailers to grow their bottom-line? It's a global conspiracy, I tell you! Well, I for one will not be duped by the Sheet Set Cult. I will not pay for a flat sheet that will sit folded and unused on my shelf, gathering dust and using up valuable space. I will not! I will Not! I will NOT!

If anyone knows how to obtain a new single fitted sheet, please share this revelation with me. In the meantime, I will be continuing my search for the perfect lone fitted sheet. Hi-ho Silver! Away!