It's 4 am and I'm awake. too many thoughts of work and loss and what will happen next week, next month, next life. Too many thoughts. Did my mouth get me in trouble again? do I have any clue what I'm doing? am I letting people down because I can't deal? how selfish am I? why can't I just let it go? ghosts do cross state lines becasue i packed them up and took them with me. how do I start over? how do i empty my memory? who would i be if i did? midlife crisis. am i only gonna live to be 60? need more life insurance. nice, one more thing on my list.