Dream Jobs?

Someone once asked me what my dream job is. My dream job is to be a Park Ranger in the National Parks. I would love to work in; Joshua Tree during the winter so I can rock climb on my days off, Yosemite in the spring when the waterfalls run full and the valley and meadows are in bloom, Yellowstone in the summer to time Old Faithful and hike for days on end, the Great Smokey Mountains in the fall to see the array of golden colors and hike the Appalachian trail. When I told my friend I would love to be a Park Ranger she asked simply, "Why aren't you?" I was dumbfounded. Why wasn't I?
Do I think I don't have the training or experience necessary? Do I think that since I work in the financial industry, that I can't do something completely different? What if I find out I can't become a Park Ranger for one reason or another? Would that ruin my dream and therefore I would rather do nothing than find out my dream can't come true? What if I'm given a chance and fail miserably? Would I rather just keep my dream and not risk losing it?
All of these questions and so many more lead back to one answer, fear. I fear that which I do not know. Sometimes I rage against the things I fear the most.
I am afraid of heights. I know it is completely in my head and that I must get over it, so I rock climb. Hanging from a carabiner on a 10 millimeter rope off the side of a sheer cliff certainly gives you a perspective on what is important and what really matters. My life literally hangs in the balance.
I am afraid of the dark. When I was 8 years old I watched the original Nightmare on Elm Street. It does not seem so scary now, but it was terrifying when it first came out and doubley more for an 8 year old. I was determined not to fall asleep, though being awake in the dark scared me even more. I could not go to the bathroom without opening the shower curtain the entire way first. Today, I force my self not to run towards my bed when I switched off the light, and I don't turn on the light or pull back the curtain when I use the bathroom in the middle of the night. There have been times when I get a chill down my neck, but I stand fast and don't let my mind take me away.
I have overcome these two fears to the best of my ability. Why do I fear success? Or is it failure that scares me now? Do I think they won't accept me because I'm not a college graduate? Is that what I use as my excuse, or do I say reason? I have looked into the requirements to become a Park Ranger and I could meet them. I can do anything, if I only I choose to.
So, why don't I? What is holding me back? My husband? No, he would support me in anything I choose to do. Then it must be me. Why do I hold myself back? Fear to step out of my comfort zone with my comfortable paycheck and home, to unknown terrain? As a hiker and a backpacker, I should be comfortable with unknown terrain. I suppose I am, as long as I know the way home. I would have to leave my comfortable home in Oceanside to be a Park Ranger in any National Park, as Joshua Tree is probably the closest and yet still 2 hours away. But I don't believe it is my address that holds me back.
Why do we dream of things? I have asked many people what their dream jobs are, and the vast majority are not doing them. Some people are. Working for the Red Cross, being a financial advisor, DJ'ing, teaching, nursing, staying at home to raise children, and those who work at their children's school. These are some people that are doing their dream job. Why am I not? What makes these people different from me? Is it easier to become a teacher than a Park Ranger? I doubt it.
I took my first steps today. I e-mailed the Career Center at Mira Costa College for some guidance on the courses necessary to become a Park Ranger. I also checked out the Red Cross classes to get Wilderness and First Response certified for first-aid and CPR (these would be helpful no matter what).
These steps are easy baby steps, but at least it's a start. Writing this blog is also a baby step. Helping me to voice my concerns and questions. My next steps are bigger: taking classes and sending off resume's and inquiries. Giant steps like moving and starting from scratch may come. Each journey begins with the first. It's a dangerous business stepping out on the road. If you don't keep your feet, you never know where you'll be swept off to.
I hope that I will overcome this fear as I have overcome my fear of heights and darkness. With faith in God and the support of my husband, I can do anythng. Including becoming a Park Ranger. Start looking for me leading back country hikes. Maybe I'll see you there